dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
