Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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