I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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