Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He felt like a one man threesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
