how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
