I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
