This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All I want is dick and wine.
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