She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
