that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize