remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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