If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His hands were made for my vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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