Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
