I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
