I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
