I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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