just come out here and I will go home with you...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
