I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
