I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
