he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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