i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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