Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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