i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
