Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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