I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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