I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
