...so i touched it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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