the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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