WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
