Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize