If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
