So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
