is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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