You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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