why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
