My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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