I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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