he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
