super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
People in love make me want to vomit
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
