By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
