just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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