i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
