Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
