I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
