Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
