happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
