no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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