so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize