i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
