You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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