not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
