Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
