Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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