god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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