Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have aggressive nipples.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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