I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
