Don't make out with my wife yet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
