perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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