Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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