On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
