Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
two words...techno handjob
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
