I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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