Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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