Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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