We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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