I CAN MOONWALK!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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