I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
