i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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