I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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