Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
