you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
