i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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