What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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