Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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