Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
