Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
