i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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